Escape

The windows are shut and the curtains have been drawn. Bua never shut the windows. She said evil spirits escape at night and if the windows are shut, they stay inside and possess sleeping bodies. I feel heaviness inside my stomach, as though I swallowed a tiny watermelon whole. Bua used to tell me stories when I couldn’t sleep at night – this was before she started playing with Daddy’s lighter and turned into a stranger. She once told me a story about an old man in the village who killed a snake and the snake’s partner swallowed the frail old man whole.

“Baboo, snakes should only be killed in pairs. If you kill a snake and its partner survives, it will track you down and get its venom inside you. Snakes are deadly creatures.”

Bua said that the old-man-who-got-swallowed was older than her Daada and Bua’s Daada was very old. He had drooping skin – looked like he had many, many layers of skin and I wondered if he felt cold in the winters – and walked with a broken stick up our hill and he looked like the C for Carrot that Auntie Pam used to make me trace on green and blue papers. I know this because he came to pick Bua up a few times and Mother made me go outside and greet him and told me to call him Daada too even though he wasn’t my Daada. My Daada twinkles in the sky at night with the stars. I try to talk to him sometimes and I pretend that he can hear me.

But there are no stars in the sky tonight. And even if there were, I can’t see them because the curtains have been drawn and Mother told me to not open them. I’m all alone and I can’t sleep, and so I play The Quiet Game. Who can keep quiet for the longest time? Me or the crickets or the owl hooting outside? The door opens and Mother tiptoes in. I don’t hear the jingling of her bangles. Her face is wet. I know this because she brings her face close to mine and I can see droplets of water on her cheeks. She asks me if I’m okay but I don’t say anything because I’m playing The Game and instead I nod my head.

A black rock is in Mother’s hand. Her rings are missing. Mother wore pretty rings – not like Bua’s big rings that dug into my skin. Mother’s rings felt cool on my cheeks when she kissed my forehead. She rubs the black rock on my face and then tells me that we’re leaving. Why are we leaving at night when Daddy always says that night is for sleeping and day is for working?

The lights haven’t been switched on in the living room. Mother lights a candle. I hear Daddy and Uncle Kapil but I can’t see them.

Escape. Calana. Helicopter. Karachi.

Munaf is standing in the corner of the room, near the door. I can see him because his eyes are shining. Like cat’s eyes.

I finally see Daddy. He lights a cigar and it glows orange in the dark. I reach out to catch smoke between my palms but it escapes.

“Quiet!”

But I haven’t said a word. Only moved close to Daddy’s chair.

“It’s time, mera laal.”

I lift my arms so that Mother can pick me up because my head feels heavy and it’s much past my bed time but Daddy picks me up instead.

“Take care of Mother and chotu. Be well-mannered. You are from a good family. You are not a ruffian.”

Infecshun, conservashun, not-a-ruffian.

I nod and Daddy ruffles my hair.

We get into Uncle Kapil’s car. Daddy doesn’t come with us. The car isn’t like Daddy’s Ford. It’s much smaller. It also smells like dirty water. Mother puts chotu’s crib near her feet and puts the pacifier into his mouth even though he is asleep. She then covers his crib with a blanket. I open my mouth to ask her why but then I remember that I’m playing The Game and I’m going to win this time.

Mother is sniffling again.