Mostly I am comforted by
the deep black.
Coming back was
waking in the middle of a cheap
carnival at night.
Bells and whistles and flashing lights,
tons of people and nothing making sense
or holding still.
I longed for the silence.
My brain handed me little hallucinations,
like hors d’oeuvres,
pumped full of stimulant and throwing up
ash and Bacardi
and the machines going off
whenever my heartbeat dropped
and they came to shoot me
back up again.
The only thing I’m afraid of is not dying.
I can live and I can die.
But not-dying,
never again.
~ Kate Hammerich
Kate Hammerich has been published in The Susquehanna Review, ditch, Third Wednesday, Barrier Island Review, Verandah Literary Journal, Grasslimb, Kill Poet, MiPoesias, The Junk Lot Review, The Legendary, The Missing Slate, Existere and vox poetica.  She has self-published two books, ‘escape artist and hallucinations’, ‘cancer & the purple tree’ and is publishing a third book, ‘inheritance’, with Unbound Content.
